How to Choose Your Wedding Party Without Losing Your Mind (or Your Friends)

Before you get caught up in the big picture of EVERYONE who needs an invite, think about who you can’t imagine your day without. Siblings? Your lifelong bestie? That cousin who’s basically your twin? These are your core people, and they should be the first ones you consider.

Being in a wedding party isn’t just about looking good in matching outfits—it comes with a lot of responsibility! Think about who can realistically commit to the duties - like attending dress fittings, planning bachelor(ette) parties, and offering emotional support when you inevitably have a minor meltdown about napkin colors or floral arrangements.

Yes, you love your college roommate, but if she lives across the country and can’t be present for much of the planning, she may be better suited as a guest instead of a bridesmaid. Choose people who can actively support you and be there when you need them.  This is the time to think a little more about “you” than them.  Also, there’s nothing stopping you from inviting ALL of your friends to your pre-wedding party – that’s a fun way to include everyone without the added responsibility. 

Just because you were in someone else’s wedding doesn’t mean you have to include them in yours. Likewise, if you have a large circle of friends, don’t feel pressured to include everyone. This is your wedding, and it’s okay to keep the wedding party small if that’s what feels right.

Gone are the days when wedding parties had to be strictly gendered or even perfectly even on both sides. Want your brother as a “brides-man” or your best female friend as a “grooms-woman”? Do it!  Does your Significant Other only have 2 best friends and you have 4 or 5?  It’s totally okay to have a different number on each side – and it actually makes for some cool photographic opportunities! Your wedding, your rules. 

If someone expects to be in your wedding party but isn’t making the list, a gentle conversation can go a long way. Let them know how much they mean to you and that their role as a guest is just as important.  If you can’t have ALL of your besties in your wedding party, because it would just be way too big – consider some fun alternatives!  You could have a dedicated “best friend’s dance” where you invite them all on to the dance floor, or maybe ask them to stand up and be a reader during your ceremony or give a special toast.  There are ways to make everyone feel special!

There is cost involved in having someone IN your wedding – there’s just no way around it.  If you’re going the uber traditional route and you’re buying the dresses or renting the suits, that can quickly add up. Now think about hair and makeup, flowers, boutonnières, wedding party gifts, etc. – don’t be afraid to default to your budget on this one.  Also, if you’re expecting them to purchase or rent their own attire, that’s a big expense for them as well.  So, if you have a friend who you know doesn’t have a lot of extra room in their budget, think about what you’re asking them to commit to financially. (This is also something to remember if you invite someone and they politely decline – it’s likely not because they wouldn’t want to be in the party, maybe they just can’t commit to the costs or logistics)